1. |
shiver
03:06
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Sometimes I like to sit in the shower
With the lights
Turned off
With my arms wrapped around my knees
And my head on my arms
When the water turns cold
I start to shiver
I feel warmth in this ice cold
Rain
All this means
is that i felt something today
In a day usually grey
All this means is that I found release today
In a numbness that won't go away
As the water runs down my spine,
I think about
Where i went wrong
All the
Broken hearts
The lack of hope
All the
days I spent
at home alone
All the
self loathing
and regret
I just can't seem to wrap
my head around it yet
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2. |
reds
02:14
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Every drag
Every second
to take the pain away
7 minutes later
when i put it out
I know it was time well spent
I know its killing me
But that's fine
I am fine
Fine with one day
my lungs will collapse
and i'll go into a deep rest
7 minutes taken
from my life
I wish it would
come sooner
Every drag
Every second
to blacken my lungs
to take the pain away
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3. |
twentyfifteen
02:45
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I want to
walk away from all I have
abandon it all
at the side of the road
I want to
let the wild engulf me
swallow me whole
and never let me go
My body will wilt
on the surface
and catch up
with my insides
As they wilt
they learn to accept death
not only as a dear friend
but as a full time love
Lay under the dirt
close my eyes
feel my lungs collapse
as I drift away
I lay myself
down to sleep
pray that death
take my soul to reap
If I should die
before I wake
mend the hearts
that I will break
I'm sorry
I'm sorry.
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4. |
fingerless gloves
03:20
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I bought cheap gloves from Walmart for 50 a pop
I got into my car
and cut the fingers off
so i can smoke my cigarette
with a sense of warmth
when i light my cigarette
i feel the numbness of my body
rush through me
I slip into a day dream
In the daydream i am driving
and my car runs into an oncoming car
i unbuckle my seat belt
as i welcome darkness
And i fly outside my windshield
where my body lays on the cold pavement
And i'm smiling because i know its over
and i'm laughing because i know its come
i'm smiling because i have found it
i'm laughing because i am Darko at the end
but I come back to reality
i'm almost late to class
but instead I enjoy my cigarrette
these stained lungs have seen much better days
but today isn't one of those days
On the drive home I smile
because i know things will get better
I smile because I am taking my life with every drag of my cigarette
7 minutes gone and thrown away
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5. |
haunted house
01:52
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I want to live in a haunted house
so I can live with people who are as dead as me
I'll live in the middle of nowhere
somewhere in New Hampshire
The winters will suck bad
But at least I won't be alone
They can haunt me
if they want to
because it'll give me something to do
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6. |
seasonal ineffective
01:35
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This winter is going to be long
I can feel it as it transcends
Alone and cold I feel
Even when with friends
Now I'm sleeping more
and talking less
oh what a transformation
my hair's become a mess
I'll find comfort
in sadness once more
for Frances Farmer
has hit the floor
And i'll rage against
the dying of the light
as the light dies earlier
earlier every day
I'll let my bones freeze
and crumble to pieces
It'll be swept up in April
As the cold ceases
And until then
All that can be done
Is a retreat into the trenches
for a battle that can not be won
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7. |
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I want to feel
something
at least something
I want to feel
anything but being alone
I want to feel
I want to feel something
I want to feel
anything
I want to feel
something alive in my heart
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8. |
||||
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Existence is pain
Existence is peril
Bury me six feet under
Existence is pain
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9. |
big bridge
02:06
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Driving home from Philly
There's traffic on 95
I drive slowly past this big bridge
I see a man
Riding a bicycle
I take his place in my mind
I look at the water below and think of the drop
I could drive my car up to the bridge
And park
As I get out I think "they won't know"
I get back in my car and write a note
This note
Written in red ink
Will be the last thing I will ever write
I will leave it on my car and step up
onto the ledge
and then i fall...
Then I wake up
I see light in my eyes
I smile because I realize
They're not the lights I wanted
They're car lights
I shake it off and continue my drive home
I am bittersweet about the result
At least I'm going home
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10. |
en repeat
02:08
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Continuous motions
right right right
but am I wrong
Long and lost
but should it be found
or even searched for
to fill the void
is it necessary
or is it time wasted
the ultimate treasure
an entity on the same wavelength
how hard is it to find
en repeat en repeat
en repeat en repeat
en repeat en repeat
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11. |
(w)hole
02:45
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What is it
that drives me to be so pathetic
pathetically searching for love
Yes I have friends that I love
As they are always there for me
And they love me
But there is that emptiness
A hole that grows larger
the colder it gets
as people are out less
when the days grow short
Can't there be comfort
without intimacy
or am I too conditioned
to the idea of relationships
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12. |
improvised porch diddly
00:49
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Ohh won't you hold me
tell me everything's gonna be alright
Sweet little angel
please tell me its gonna be alright
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13. |
rhyming sucks
01:52
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Unrequited love
is so crippling my dear
I just want to hold you near
With the smell of roses
in the air
I just want you to know
I care
I waited and waited
Thinking this would fade
So I could go on with my day
But it grew stronger
And I grew weaker
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14. |
slowness
01:48
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Slowness
Goes my eyelids
I'm not tired
I'm not stoned
Detached
From reality
in my own shell
I subsist
Numbness takes me over
Slowness
It goes from my head
To my feet
Lay back and relax
Nothing all around
Beauty of nothing
Without a tight chest
Slowness, there I go.
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lavender sky Nutley, New Jersey
A lofi project of mine putting my poetry to song
lavender sky recommends:
DC Snuff Film / Waste Yrself
by teen suicide
awesome lofi-emo
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Alicia Bognanno hasn’t strayed from her ‘90s grunge influences, but she’s added in a little pop-punk pizzazz.
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